Harmony Howlette's Wild West Show

[Song: Waltz Across Texas]

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

Yeehaw ha ha ha ha.

Harmony Howlette & Jasper T. Jowls & Warblettes: (Singing)

Waltz across Texas

With you in my arms

Waltz across Texas with you

Chuck E. Cheese:

The songs that made the cowboys dance, that’s what we’re singing about now. But first we’re gonna bring out the little lady whose idea of moonlighting is to howl at the moon

[Harmony Howls]

Mr. Munch:

Every cowboy’s favorite coyote

Chuck E. Cheese:

The one, the only, Harmony Howlette.

[Everyone cheers]

Harmony Howlette:

Howdy boys!

All but Chuck:

Hi Harmony!

Jasper T. Jowls:

Oh Harmony, I’d waltz across anything with you!

Harmony Howlette:

Well, how about Texas?

Harmony Howlette: (Singing)

When we dance together, my world’s in disguise

It’s a fairyland tale come true

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

And when you, look at me

With those stars in your eyes

I could waltz across Texas with you

Chuck E. Cheese:

Hey Harmony, you ever hear a wolf whistle?

[A wolf whistle sounds]

Harmony Howlette:

No but I’ve seen a fox trot!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Ough.

[Jasper and Harmony laugh]

Harmony Howlette & Jasper T. Jowls & Warblettes & Pasqually: (Singing)

Waltz across Texas

With you in my arms

Waltz across Texas with you

Pasqually: (Singing)

Like a story book ending

I’m lost in you charms

Harmony Howlette & Jasper T. Jowls & Warblettes & Pasqually: (Singing)

And I could waltz across Texas with you

And I could waltz across Texas with you

Pasqually:

Hey boss, I know a pizza chef from Texas. He’s a- so rich he doesn’t even have his Cadillac air conditioned.

Chuck E. Cheese:

Oh no?

Pasqually:

He just keeps half a dozen cold ones in the fridge!

[Jasper cackles]

Chuck E. Cheese:

That was a very perpetrating statement there Pasqually.

Jasper T. Jowls:

Very funny! Very Funny!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Tell us Harmony, where do you get your ideas for these little shows here?

Harmony Howlette:

Oh I just dream ’em up!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Really? They must be some nightmares!

Harmony Howlette:

Thanks for the insult Big C.

Chuck E. Cheese:

You’re welcome, would you like another one?

Harmony Howlette:

No, my doctor put my ears on a diet.

Chuck E. Cheese:

Your ears are on a diet?

Harmony Howlette:

Yeah, listening to your bad jokes could make me a real fat head!

[Jasper cackles]

Chuck E. Cheese:

It’s too late sweetheart.

Harmony Howlette:

Alright, come on boys, let’s get on with the next song and leave Big C to his insults.

[Song:Bob Wills Is Still the King]

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

The Honky Tonks in Texas were my natural second home

Pasqually: (Singing)

Where you tip your hats to the ladies and the rose of San Antone

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

I grew up on music that we called western swing

Harmony Howlette & Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

It don’t matter who’s in Austin, Bob Wills is still the king

Jasper T. Jowls:

Yee he he Haw!

[Song:San Antonio Rose]

The Warblettes: (Singing)

Deep within my heart lies a melody

A song of old San Antone

Where in dreams I live with a memory

Beneath the stars, all alone

Harmony Howlette:

And now this next song is dedicated to an old cowboy I know named Joe.

[Song:Ragtime Cowboy Joe]

Harmony Howlette: (Singing)

Out in Arizona where the bad men are

And the only friend to guide you is an evening star

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

The roughest, toughest guy by far is ragtime cowboy Joe.

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

Now when he starts stepping on the dance hall floor,

Pasqually: (Singing)

No one but a lunatic would start a war.

Harmony Howlette: (Singing)

Wise men know his 44. makes me dance for fair.

Harmony Howlette & The Warblettes: (Singing)

He always sings raggy music to the cattle

As he swings back and forward in the saddle

On a horse that is syncopated, gaited

And there’s such a funny meter to the roar of his repeater

Mr. Munch & The Warblettes: (Singing)

How they run, when they hear that fellas gun

Because the western folk all know

All: (Singing)

Well he’s a highfaluting, scooting, shooting son-of-a-gun from Arizona

Ragtime Cowboy Joe

He’s that cowboy, talk about your cowboy

Ragtime Cowboy Joe

Chuck E. Cheese:

What kind of a cowboy?

All: (Singing)

he’s a highfaluting, scooting, shooting son-of-a-gun from Arizona

Ragtime Cowboy Joe

He’s that cowboy

Ragtime Cowboy Joe

Ragtime Cowboy Joe

Jasper T. Jowls:

You know what Big C?

Chuck E. Cheese:

What’s that?

Jasper T. Jowls:

I think Harmony’s really gonna go far!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Yeah, and as far as I’m concerned the sooner she goes there the better.

Jasper T. Jowl:

Oh no!

[Jasper starts to cry]

Chuck E. Cheese:

Jeez folks, between Jasper’s love sick bugling and Harmony’s howling-

[Harmony Howls]

Chuck E. Cheese:

This show’s really going to the dogs!

Jasper T. Jowls:

But I love her!

Chuck E. Jowls:

See ya’s around.

Chuck E. Cheese:

Quiet on the set! Quiet on the set!

[Sounds of Shh-ing]

[Song:Honky Tonkin’]

All: (Singing)

And we’ll go honky tonkin’, honky tonkin'

Honky tonkin’, honey baby

We’ll go honky tonkin’ ‘round this town

Chuck E. Cheese:

Alright folks, here she comes.

Mr. Munch:

The cowgirl who gathers more posses than Jesse James, Harmony Howlette!

Jasper T. Jowls:

Yahoo!

Chuck E. Chuck:

And you’re gonna take us Honky Tonkin ain’t that right Harmony?

Harmony Howlette:

That’s right Big C so hit it Pasqually

Pasqually: (Singing)

When you are sad and lonely and have no place to go,

come to see me baby and bring along some dough.

All: (Singing)

And we’ll go Honky Tonkin, Honky Tonkin

Honky Tonkin honey baby

We’ll go Honky Tonkin round this town

Pasqually:

Eh boss, how’d I do?

Chuck E. Cheese:

Hey Pasqually, you couldn’t carry a tune if it had handles on it.

Pasqually:

That a- does it boss, arrivederci.

Chuck E. Cheese:

Pasqually don’t go away mad, I wanna forget you just the way you are.

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

When you and your baby have a fallin’ out

Call me up, sweet mama, and we’ll go steppin’ out

All: (Singing)

And we’ll go honky tonkin’, honky tonkin’

Honky tonkin’, honey baby

We’ll go honky tonkin’ ‘round this town

[Song: If You’ve Got the Money, Honey]

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

If you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time

We’ll go honky tonkin’ babe and have us a time

Pasqually: (Singing)

We’ll have more fun, baby, on the way down the line

If you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time

Harmony Howlette:

You know fellas, that Big C, he’s as tight with his compliments as he is with his money!

Mr. Munch, Jasper T. Jowls, & Pasqually:

That’s for sure!

Harmony Howlette:

I mean if he gives you a pat on the back it’s only to see what he can get you to cough up! Haha!

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

Now you bring the money baby, you know I never mind

Bring along your Cadillac, leave my wreck behind

We’ll go honky tonkin’ baby and I won’t spend a dime

So if you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time

All except Chuck: (Singing)

If you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time

Harmony Howlette:

Well boys with the money Big C pays me, we’re not gonna get much honky tonkin’ in.

Chuck E. Cheese:

You know Harmony I resemble that statement very much, especially since I was just gonna pay you a large compliment!

Harmony Howlette:

I don’t believe that anymore than I believe you’re gonna give me a raise.

Chuck E. Cheese:

I was just about to say that you’re one performer whose career bears a lot of watching.

Harmony Howlette:

Why thank you so much Big C!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Course then I was gonna say it’s too bad it ain’t worth listening to.

[Song:Take Me Back to Tulsa]

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

Where’s that gal with the red dress on?

Some folks called her Dinah

Stole her heart away from me,

way down in Louisiana

All but Chuck: (Singing)

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Pasqually: (Singing)

The Little bee sucks the blossom, the big bee gets the honey

Little man makes the pizza, the big rat takes the money!

Harmony Howlette:

Listening Big C?

All but Chuck: (Singing)

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Jasper T. Jowl: (Singing)

I always wear a great big smile, some folks think it’s funny

Travel all over the country, Big C takes the money!

All but Chuck: (Singing)

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Harmony Howlette: (Singing)

I went down to Tulsa, that was my undoing

Started into singing, still can hear the booing

Jasper T. Jowls:

Oh no!

All but Chuck: (Singing)

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Take me back to Tulsa, I’m too young to marry

Mr. Munch:

Yeehaw!

Jasper T. Jowls:

Yippee! Haha hahaha haha!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Well folks, we certainly hoped you enjoyed the show. This is Chuck E. Cheese, The Big C, saying: After all I do for these people, you think I’d get a little respect! Jeez!

Harmony Howlette:

There is a land, a western land, mighty wonderful, wonderful to see. It’s a land, it’s a land I understand, y’know? And it’s there I long to be.

[Song:Deep in the Heart of Texas]

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

The stars at night

Are big and bright

All: (Singing)

Deep in the heart of Texas

Harmony Howlette: (Singing)

The prairie sky

Is wide and high

All: (Singing)

Deep in the heart of Texas

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

The sage in bloom

Is like perfume

All: (Singing)

Deep in the heart of Texas

Pasqually: (Singing)

Reminds me of

The one I love

All: (Singing)

Deep in the heart of Texas!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Yeah, deep in the heart of Texas, that’s where we’re going. And to start us off the most unlikely cowboys this side of mars: Munch!

[Song: Texas Plains]

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

I wanna drink my java from an old tin can

While the moon goes ridin’ high

Pasqually: (Singing)

I wanna hear the song of a whippoorwill

I wanna hear the coyote cry

[Harmony cries and Jasper attempts to also cry]

Chuck E. Cheese:

Alright, cry not scream you dummy.

Jasper T. Jowls:

Oh.

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

I wanna feel a saddle close between my legs

Ridin’ there out on the range

A- just a- going for an old ride, eatin pizza pie

Back on those texas plains

Harmony Howlette: (Singing)

Each night in my dreams

it somehow seems

that I am back

Where I belong

Jasper T. Jowl: (Singing)

Just a country hick

Back in the sticks

Back where I was born

Well city lights

And city ways

Are driving me insane!

Ho ho ho!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Jasper you just left yourself wide open for a joke but I’m gonna let it pass.

Jasper T. Jowls:

Thank you!

Harmony Howlette:(Singing)

I wanna be alone

I wanna be back home

Back on those Texas plains

All: (Singing)

I wanna be alone

I wanna be back home

Back on those Texas plains

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

I wanna drink my java from an old tin can

While the moon goes ridin’ high

Jasper T. Jowls: (Singing)

I wanna hear the song of a whippoorwill

I wanna hear a coyote cry

[Harmony and Jasper cry]

Mr. Munch: (Singing)

I wanna feel a saddle close between my legs

All: (Singing)

Ridin’ there out on the range

A- just a- going for an old ride, eatin pizza pie

Back on those Texas plains

Back on those Texas plains

Chuck E. Cheese:

Yeah alright! Moving right along!